Leftie and Rightie

"I verdantly wake to Spring's tranquil morning, ya know, Leftie?" 
"That I do, Rightie. I like it when our caretaker puts out on his Gator and trims us real nice."
"Yeah, we get some illustrious treatment, Leftie."
"Indeed, Rightie. When that stitched orb hits me so pleasantly, I just want to eat it."
"Sometimes you do, Left-Left. I don't mind the man standing on me. He treats me with respect."
"Mine spits sunflower seed shells and dips out on me."
"Can't you use that to grow?"
"I like the seeds, idk about the chaw, though, lol."
"When did you learn internet short hand, Leftie?"
"Oh, I picked it up when I got that Wrigley Left's number, 405 I believe."
"Mmmm, I'd like to play ball on that. She's American League sized if u know what I mean!"
"The lights feel soooo good on me... uh, oh, there they go!"
"I'm gonna hang back and doze off; night, Leftie."
"Good night, Rightie. Mmmmmm, sprinklers came on. Fuggyeah."
"Anyone wanna play ball?"
"Oh, Center!"