Writin' Rainbow

Place your trays in the upright position. A few had not done so. Take off proceeded. We will alert you when to use electronic devices when we have reached altitude. The attendants awaited in their designated area. Accommodating meals and beverages for the passengers filled the storage unit. The pilot elevated his gears as his carrier glided from the runway. The control tower hummed consent. Seat 4a was unoccupied but the bathroom was not. Before takeoff Garrett generally did not drink enormous amounts of megadrink, but over preparation was a sidelong trait. We're looking at a eight hour flight to your destination. Expect delays. Meg wanted to kindle very badly. She will wait. Elevation was approaching. 5229. 5239. 39439. The wings closed and engaged. Passengers bobbed along the air, jovially buzzed, colas froze. The meal was not enchiladas. It was freeze-dried. Diet freeze-dried approved by Atkins and Armstrong. The odometer clocked meteoric numbers. I'm sick of elevation telling me my edict. Shocker.

The All Your Money Mang

This is the mantra criminals chant before committing a mugging.

Giiiiiiimeeeeeee Alllllllllllllll Yourrrrrrrrrrrrr

Allllllleeeeee Ruuuuuuuniiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Giiiiiimeeeeee

Aaaaaaaaaaaaall

Yir

Mnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne

Hiiiiiiiiiiiimeeeeeeeeeeeee Allllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee mnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiii

at'lll be alll.

ट्वेंटी/१स्त सेंचुरी

वे अरे इन थे मिन्द्सेट ऑफ़ अ न्यू सेंचुरी बुत हवे नोट चंगेद सिंस थे फर्स्ट।
टीच्नोक्रेक्य बर्रिएर्स मके-बेलिएफ मोमेंट्स सेल्दोम एस्कापे वहत मुस्त स्टील बे कोन्तिनुएद।
थे मोरे थिंग्स चननगे थे मोरे थे स्टे थे समे।
मुस्त वे रेवेर्ट?
ओउर फ्रोवं ओं ओउर ओवन ब्रेअक्थ्रौघ्स?
वे कांत'टी एस्कापे ओउर पिक्स्लातेद फर्ट्स, एवें अस इ ब्लॉग।
-येउने JS

Woke the Astrotrooper Amid Orbit

For but one moment, all seemed well. Eliptic whirls lashed above the landing site. His rim seared

edges of infinite fusion. The rate of entry inspection read: 340 kilometers/hour. Billowing assertively beyond, E.W.S. captain Benye Verne operated a net aimed for five miles leave, fitted filtrated ropelines, allowing solar winds to swell below the parachute. The paratrooper's atmosphere felt followed by a constellation. Ursa Minor resituated guarded behind Ursa Major. Hydra emerged so Sagittaius aimed. Gear of his was roasted kind of like a bunt cake. Hearing dead space filled his illuminated ears slowly with the humming lightyears. Anguished, weary legs tried wondering past early light stellera.

We ensue; initiate foany-ass fucking judging anybody walking bye, was infinte loner woe as i did the k, w e r e. Pertinant whenever. We're all dead for every woman. Would condense anew. Ana indeed knew non where werewolves. In her inner hell knew something. Consoled along Orion.

Taking my Dad's advice

Crocus- A layered tale of perennial trying. The most anxious flower shows "up" first only to be overshadowed by the limendae

Comet Phish- about a comet that orbits under the ocean. It is a Relief Movie (opposite of disaster movie) Avery is the one who first intercedes the comet and jovially follows the comet-phish. Child's movie-possibly animated. First half movie- signs,signals,clues of coming of comet-phish. Next half- C.P. Party

Shuttle- This premise i do as a bit in my stand-up act to close-out. Figuringly, an expanded version of the joke could work as a movie. NASA needs 3 astronaughts to investigate an appearance on the moon. Not soon after, the three craters appear on the moon. The astronaughts aquiant themselves but suspicion mounts as one of the characters is acting screwbally, like Teen Wolf. As the mission to the moon progresses, the astronaught acts most peculiarly. Like bringing jewelerly on a space mission. Turns out to be an amulet. One astronaught steals that amulet from the other, thereby enabling the astronaughts werewolf powers to explord. The astronaught hovers, changes into another being entitiy powered by the moon and its proximity supercharges his powers to be set loose inside the spacestation. The other 2 astronaughts are tf'ed and totally pissed they were treated the other "guy" like assshits before they launched from mission control. They didn't listen to the orders of the astrowolf and now deal with the consequences. One astro-tool is hunted down heiniously. THe other astronaught is resourceful and galactically finds a silver-lazergun and kills the astrowolf instantly, till....

CHORES- The moive

Chores are crazy. Let just say that. please

thanks

js

i'll do it.

"Look behind you, a three-headed monkey!"

Non-humor related, however, ever-so-pertinent. Telltale games, in collaboration with LucasArts, has released a new adventure software title: Tales of Monkey Island. You may remember the original Monkey Island from the time when gaming (though not a term in 1990), relied on text parsers, such as Hugo's House of Horrors did.

This durable title survived the decline of the adventure/mystery genre during the late 90's relying on humor (okay, so this is humor related), wit, and crafty gameplay. This new title, in particular, comes in installments. Five tales are released to you monthly and include titles such as Launch of the Screaming Narwhal, The Siege of Spinner City, Lair of the Leviathan, the Trial and Execution of Guybrush Threepwood (oh no!), and Rise of the Pirate God. Swashbuckling twists and turns await you, so challenge your wits and order today.

P(a)wned

Remove any suspicion staleaponia doesn't abdicate using the term pwned, sounding phonetically like (p'owned). How is this term pronounced with a P and sound like owned, the base word? Makws lttle sence. The meaning of the term pwned is even more distorted. The term Pwned and the the word owned are completely different. Pwned, if a distinct memory serves correctly, derives from pawn. Not to pawn something as to sell it under dire circumstance. Is that what all the PWNED nullness is about>>>what just was "PWNED" was really pawned at the pawn shop?What would be sould at the PWNED SHOP? PWNAGE?

Pwnage (nounage) can be argued to have a very implicit chess etomology, too. To pwn one or oneself is to send them to the least powerful (individually) chess peice. The pwned one is now that of a pawn, which would mean the pronounciation of the term pwned, pwnage, and so forth is with a soft a inbetween P and W. Pawning someone or something would be, if chess is concerned, the opposite of knighting.

In that spirit, staleapawners, let's take a look at this classic chess game between gm's, if the ranking system was available then, Marmaduke Wyvill and Adolf Anderssen from the London (Chess) Tournament of 1851, and see some stalea-pawning!

1. c4 f5 2. Nc3 Nf6 3. e3 e6 4. Be2 Bb4 5. Bh5+ g6 6. Be2 O-O 7. f4 c5 8. Nf3 Nc6 9. O-O Bxc3 10. bxc3 b6 11. a4 Bb7 12. Qc2 Qc7 13. Ng5 h6 14. Nh3 Rae8 15. Bf3 Re7 16. d4 Rg7 17. Ba3 Na5 18. Bxb7 Nxb7 19. Rad1 g5 20. g3 Nd6 21. fxg5 hxg5 22. Qd3 Nde4 23. d5 Qe5 24. Kg2 Rh7 25. Ng1 Rxh2+ 26. Kxh2 Qxg3+ 27. Kh1 Kg7 0-1

shniz! Did you SEE THT! Rook at h8 came through and busted all over white's king! The Queen would have all tearing up if not for the resignation. Yeah, props go to Anderssen, some pawnage.  

For awesome archives of chess games through history: don't get pawned.

Why don't other planets have rainbows? It rains on other planets, some storms last decades. We have found trace evidence of water on Mars. Jupiter has an anticyclonic storm railing for the 179 years prior and possibly 300+ ongoing! It think Jupiter is overdue for a phatty air-ribbon. Are there no rainbows elsewhere because there aren't people around to enjoy them? Venus and Mercury are wicked jeally of our rainbows, son! Earth's ballin. For further discussion visit this less stale site.

NEWSFLASH

The New York Times is staying alive. A trickle of financial support has come by way of Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim, a trickle to the NY Time's iv drip bag which was surely to evaporate. Indebted, the Times must know Carlos Slim as Pecos Bill and Pecos Bill can call on any staff member as his pinche'-buddy.
Allow the other options, besides bailout (or bailouto), to serve as reference to other titles such as The Boston Globe and whatever Philly has/had. Without finance from outsidesources (yes! all one word) newspapers would have to charge people for making the news. What makes our news would be taxed in order to get in the black. Did you just resign from office? 79 cents. Did you just invent a new sport called Motolacrosse? 503 dolla. Somebody run a half-marathon in 2x the time? 21 k.
If we don't make the news than we shan't be taxed. So, meek! If we started caring for our civil responsibilities, we'd make headlines.

Obstacles to Popsicles

1. Poor refrigeration: In the Popsicle's case, any refrigeration is bad refrigeration, mostly due to the fact Popsicles do need to be at freezing temps tout du temps. This can result in the "mushy pop", which both describes both a loathsome Popsicle and Taylor Swift's music/demographic.
2. Cargo: That's what's in's tha back of the Mr. Good Humor truck, folks. Call 'em straight up cargo-pops. Mr. Good Humor's moving weight; he can't wait on you to make a desicion, so he might fub your order. Triple-check for popsicle accuarcy as you order, because if you order a Bombpop and get a Mariopop; life itself has decieved you.
3. Rugs: Yea, sneaky they are. Think. Rugs...+....popsicles. Forces 2 collide and leave you with a June afternoon splotch. No time.
Wipe your hands,
js

Chicken, Bird, Stalefish

Summer is aponia us. Yet, it is not complete without making it to the pool. Mix yourself in the water like a a chocolate and vanilla swirl icecream cone. Front crawl is staple; back and side are enjoyable, too. What secures the pool as liquidly trepid is what we know as the most FUN stroke; the ole ace in the deep end. This stroke as in and of itself is three strokes in one and has no other name besides the basis. Chicken. Bird. Soldier. That's that. Summer.

T&H

The only thing that possibly better than the T and A: introducing, T&H! Behold, t and a (tits and ass) has now become T and H. Tits and Hammocks. That's right. Baffled? Hope not. It's a simplified process of maintaining the anchor, the gold of T and A, the tits. Now hold on to the t and substitute the a for an h. Ass and Hammock sequentital, non-demominational, and complitely synonomous with one another. Plus, they are good friends, too. So hammock covers ass and what is left is the remainder, t's. Titties are good, but being accompanied by a swinging, zero-gravity love nest they rock. There is no doubt an oscillation in the hammock here and both benefits and magnifies the t's. No alcohol usually required to get laid is required since the hammock effect supplements.
-It's a good thing, T&H. Just don't fall in the rose bushes.
j

Aponia

means the absence of pain, and was regarded by the Epicureans to be the height of bodily pleasure.